


The Kids Aren't Alright

by Biana_Delacroix



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: A really confusing AU, F/M, Memory Loss, Secret Favourite Crackship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3829708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biana_Delacroix/pseuds/Biana_Delacroix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caroline just wanted the hot guy with a dangerous smile for a few dates, Kol just wanted the hot blonde in the pub for a few nights. It's fun at first, burnt dinners in cold apartments and the feeling that this could be something real. It becomes so much more complicated than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kids Aren't Alright

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in a murky AU late season 4, where Kol never died.

_And in the end_  
_I'd do it all again._  
 _I think you're my best friend._  
 _Don't you know that the kids aren't alright?_

Her name is Caroline and he tells her his is Kol, and it’s the cutest scene you can possibly think of.

Shut your cute little guilty pleasure chick-lit books closed because not even Nicholas Sparks could’ve written the day _just right,_ overcast with a light drizzle, not so bad that everyone was stuck inside, but just bleak enough that the pub was almost empty. Except of course for the hot guy and the hot girl who were both dancing around the fact that they were totally noticing how _hot_ the other was. And finally, one of them did something about it.

“Care for a drink darling?”

“Not that thirsty, but thanks.” Hot guy may have one hell of an accent and a panty-dropping smirk, but Caroline never liked to give in too fast. She quickly learns that a challenge and a sharp tongue is what this guy is into, so he cheerfully pulls up a chair and proceeds to flip through her colour coded charts, not even flinching when she throws a sharpie at his head.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all. Bloody hell, are you planning the next Normandy invasion?”

“I’m organizing the rehearsal schedule for the community theatre’s production of _Othello_ , it’s taken me at least three hours so far _and don’t touch that sticky note!”_ She pulls away the paper so fast it nearly gives him a paper cut, and sharp tongue notwithstanding, Kol realizes that she’s at least a little neurotic.

“Sweets, how about we try that again? I’m Kol.”

“This is where you tell me your name is Caroline.”

Her head snapped up to meet his shit eating grin and she had just opened her mouth to demand to know how long he’d been stalking her when she noticed her name was literally written at the top of every single piece of paper in authoritative red ink, (red ink totally had power, don’t fight her on this.)

While he has her attention, he tries to coax more out of her. “So, Caroline, what’s an American doing in Dublin?”

She could stay silent and go back to her organizing, but she’s got at least two months of itineraries written down to the minute, so she figures that taking a break for this guy – _Kol,_ he’d said – couldn’t hurt too much. He had really nice eyes. And a really nice everything else.

“I’m travelling,” is what she finally answers, it’s close enough to the truth. Wanderlust was powerful and Ireland was fun, especially when she got the chance to join the local theatre scene and act her heart out. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Come on, I’m American but I can totally tell accents apart by now.”

Kol raises an eyebrow, impressed. “Same as you I suppose. Seeing the world and all that shit.”

She snorts, “How deep.”

He shrugs, scoots his chair a little closer. “We can’t all be as detail-oriented as you darling. You should try winging it a little more.”

“Oh?” When did she lean closer? She doesn’t know but suddenly those nice eyes are way closer than they were a second ago. “And what should I do first?”

The words _‘do me’_ are literally on the tip of his tongue and he wants so badly to say them but the little grin on Caroline’s face tells him that’s exactly what she’s expecting and he never likes to make things easy for people. “First, you should have that drink,” he tells her and takes pleasure in that little flicker of disappointment across her face.

Caroline doesn’t back down from a challenge however, so she shoves her notes in a binder and matches him pint for pint until they’re laughing and laughing and laughing some more over things that aren’t even funny, they just both really like the sound of each other’s laugh.

And fine, maybe Kol’s a _bit_ too much of a cocky little asshole for her taste, but he’s a smooth flirt and doesn’t seem to mind how high strung she is.

They both leave with a new number burning a hole in their pockets and the memory of tipsy laughter that neither plan to forget anytime soon.

* * *

 

The problem with new relationships: you’re never sure just how far things are going to go. Caroline just wanted the hot guy with a dangerous smile for a few dates. She likes to think she’s pretty good at figuring out people, and she’s almost completely sure Kol just wanted the hot blonde in the pub for a few nights.

But a few dates and a few nights pass and neither seems to want to go anywhere anytime soon. They did the movies, went to dinner, and on the third date (Caroline always did things properly) they stay in at hers and lose track of time and let the pasta burn when they take turns pinning each other against the fading wallpaper of her flat, fingers and tongues dragging against skin for at least a few hours. Later, they suffer through the sad remains of dinner, Caroline wearing only his shirt and Kol wearing nothing at all, and for a moment, she wonders just how far this thing of theirs can go.

At what point does she admit to being a vampire?

Look, it’s not like she _wants_ to lead a guy on; she just never expected to like Kol as much as she did. It’s a miracle she’s managed to keep her control around him so far, but that first night they spent together, she had come _dangerously_ close to giving in and seeing if his blood tasted as good as the rest of him. But she really, _really_ liked him damn it, and she didn’t want to turn him into a blood bag, it wouldn’t be right.

Problem was, she didn’t want to say goodbye either.

It wasn’t a problem that was going to go away anytime soon, but Caroline was riding a sex high, so she shoves the thought to the back of her head and invites Kol over for another try at an actual dinner, and twenty minutes in, they’re trading playful barbs as she slices tomatoes while Kol just drinks and stares at her ass (she should mind but she totally doesn’t.)The food should be her priority but all Caroline can think of is how much she wants to turn around, rip off Kol’s shirt and drag her teeth down his –

_Motherfucker_

She’s a vampire for god’s sake, vampires don’t make stupid mistakes, they don’t get so distracted by daydreams and a hot guy that the knife slips and nearly takes off three fingers. Everything’s still attached but her blood is suddenly everywhere and Kol is by her side in a flash – literally, a _flash._

“Caroline?”

Is serendipity real? Caroline doesn’t know. What she does know is that she can’t look away from Kol’s face.

His face is her face.

He is like her.

“Oh my god.”

His eyes harden when he realizes his mistake, for just a second his worry had overtaken his good sense and one glimpse of dark eyes and raised veins tells her everything she needs to know. He’s probably ready to compel the daylights out of her but she cuts him off again.

“You’re a vampire.”

Kol stays silent but faces her with acute suspicion and surprise, but none of that matters because it feels so _great_ to drop her mask, let her own veins show and let her true nature take over. He gapes, reaching out to trace the raised lines and his face splits into the most victorious grin she’s ever seen him wear.

“We’re both vampires,” he whispers, then says it again, louder, and then repeats it over and over again until he’s practically shouting it, picking her up and spinning her around in her tiny little kitchen. He’s laughing the entire time, which makes her laugh, and they keep laughing for a while before her giggles turn into moans because Kol’s got her down against her mattress and his fangs are digging their way into the soft skin of her inner thigh, lapping at blood like a man possessed while his long nimble fingers find their way into her folds, working her clit until she’s a mess, muttering his name like some kind of demented prayer. After she comes he pops his head up from between her legs, cocky grin covered in her blood and now she wants a taste of _him,_ and he’s every bit as delicious as she had expected.

Dinner burns again. They fuck each other like animals, exploring the many, _many,_ upsides to vampire sex, and when they’re done, they lie on her bumpy mattress, covered in blood and sweat and laughing again because their huge terrible secret which both had thought they’d never be able to share with the other is all of a sudden, nothing at all.

Everything is different, Everything is _wonderful._ Suddenly, this little fling could be something more. This little fling could be the start of _fucking forever._

And you know what? That’s not so bad.

* * *

 

“Garlic?”

“Garlic.”

“Chopped onion?”

“Chopped onion.”

Kol hands over the last ingredient and watches with something akin to fascination as Caroline concentrates on the stovetop, meticulously following the recipe to the letter. He likes it, watching her, she’d call him a creepy old man, but what’s love without a little leering?

 _Love_. How interesting.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

He says it so randomly that Caroline is sure he’s joking, “Please, you’re just saying that because I give you regular sex.”

“ _Darling.”_

Caroline turns, sees the usual smirk, the usual glint in his eyes, but there’s something…resolved about the way he’s staring her down. Like he’s actually decided that this is something he needs to act like a grown up for, and god knows Kol did not do that very often.

“I love you too.”

He smiles, an actual honest-to-goodness smile. It makes him look so much younger than usual, she can’t help but kiss him. And then he returns the favour, and suddenly it’s not just her lips he’s after as he hoists her up onto the old worn down countertop and fits himself between her legs as she wraps them tightly around his waist.

“You girls are all the same, you hear the ‘L’ word and you’re lost causes,” he remarks cheekily as Caroline kisses a path up his jaw, she just nips his ear and whispers low;

“You’re the one who said it first, _darling.”_

He can’t really fight her on that, so he settles for snapping the button on her jeans and diving his fingers in because nothing shuts her up faster than an orgasm, that much he’s learnt in the past two months.

Her small hands are quick to retaliate and work their way around his cock and who really cares who said what first (he said it first and she’s never going to let him forget that), because bringing each other to a mind blowing climax means that they’re both really winners in this scenario, right?

When they’re done she leans forward, drapes herself over his shoulders and lets him hold her weight as she runs her hand through his hair and buries her forehead on the soft fabric of his shirt. He smells of sex and whiskey and burnt onions –

Burnt onions?

“Dinner!” She’s out of his arms and staring at the remaining scraps of their now burnt meal. “One day, I’m going to get this right,” she says resolutely. That day is not today however, and Kol kisses away her pout and leads her outside so that they can track down some real sustenance.

* * *

 

“You’re hogging the blankets.” Caroline pushes herself closer to the occupant of her bed who was currently hoarding the quilt and managed to curl up under it, relishing in the heat.

“Sweets, you know you can’t feel cold,” Kol mumbles somewhere near her shoulder, but his sentiment wins out and he tightens the strong grip he has on her waist, yanking her even closer.

“I don’t care if I feel it or not, it’s cold,” whined Caroline stubbornly, through there was no real fight in her, not when the day was still its small hours and she could feel the outline of Kol’s muscles as she was pressed against him.

Kol snorted into the pillow, “You wouldn’t have these problems if your radiator wasn’t complete shit.”

Caroline just rolls her eyes into the darkness, “Yeah well, I don’t know how to fix it and my landlord is super creepy, I am _not_ letting him into my bedroom.”

Her words work like magic because suddenly Kol is wide awake, propped up on one elbow and watching her like a hawk. “What’s he done?” he asked darkly.

Anyone else might’ve been intimidated but Caroline had gotten over that and used to his love for violence a while ago. She did  wonder if she’d just gotten her landlord killed though.

“You’re not killing anyone,” is her firm order, but she can practically feel the tension coming off Kol so she manages to turn her head enough that she can press a series of soft kisses down his shoulder. It does the trick after a moment but Kol is never one to forget easily, she knows.

“Perhaps it’s time to consider new living accommodations?” he says thoughtfully “We could go somewhere with actual heating and more space than a broom closet.”

Caroline looked at him for a long moment, taking in the ease he has when he makes his suggestion. “ _We?”_ she asks, a small smile tugging on her lips.

“Well Sweets, I’m fairly certain I’d have to be with you otherwise God knows what sort of hovel you’ll decide to consider charming.”

Caroline dug her fingers into his side but he’s completely unaffected, as usual. “Hey, don’t knock my eye for interior design. I thought you liked my apartment?”

“I like this flat because it has you here, and you’re usually naked,” he says casually, ignoring the second jab to his ribs. “But if we got a place together, then I’d be there all the time, and you definitely wouldn’t be wearing clothes.”

“You’re disgusting, you know that?”

“Oh, but you never seem to mind,” he mumbles against her skin, fingers dancing lower across her body.  

Refusing to give up her point though, Caroline fights to keep her attention. “You’ve got to admit we’ve got some good memories here,” she argues, “sure this place is cramped, but it’s mine and it’s where we really got together.” Her voice is rife with nostalgia and despite every one of his protests; Kol finds it hard to disagree.

“Where would we go,” Caroline asks quietly, after a moment.

Kol ponders her question, absent-mindedly twirling one her curls. “Somewhere warmer, perhaps,” he suggests.

“I can go for that,” she says, liking the idea that the future has so many possibilities. “But if we do get a place, it has to have character.”

Kol huffs, “Really? You want to keep going to shitty apartments where the roof leaks and it’s fucking freezing all the time?”

“ _You_ were the one who said we can’t feel cold and I don’t see you complaining right now.”

“Naked you makes a great blanket.”

Caroline pinched him, “Come on, you want to live together or not?”

He laughs, gripping her waist close and bends to kiss her breathless. “Darling, if you want, I’ll get you a shitty apartment in every city on Earth.”

* * *

 

As it turns out, they don’t leave right away. Sure there are sunnier cities out there but they’ve got all the time in the world, haven’t they? Rain slicked streets and familiar pubs are fine for now no matter how cold Caroline’s bedroom gets (and all that really does is get them to think of fun ways to warm up.)

For now, everything’s perfect.

And then, everything changes.

It was pouring that night. Their usual pub, the one where they first met is practically empty, the only people there are strangers, probably tourists. Some gathered up at the bar, a bunch huddled together in a booth, Kol ignores all of them as he strides in. Seamus is tending bar as usual, and he looks up from wiping down glasses and gives him a grin.

“Alright?” There’s a glass on the counter before he even sits down.

Kol smirks and downs his bourbon, and only then does he notice his audience. Three of them at the bar, two guys, one girl, all youngish (though one’s in a suit, he looks like a bit of a prick.) The girl’s hot, three months ago and he might’ve made a pass at her but Caroline’s due any second and there was a good chance she’d kill him.

Whatever, he’d be good on ignoring them except the fuckers won’t stop _staring_ at him like he’s got a second head. He raised an eyebrow in greeting, “Can I help you?”

“We’re just – just –“

The blonde’s hot but a _Blonde,_ apparently, because she can’t seem to finish her sentence. The guy next to her has curls a shade darker than hers and he looks weirdly agitated when he speaks up. “We’re passing through. You looked familiar.”

Fucking weird reason, but whatever.

“Oi, where’s your girl?” Seamus is a prick who stares at Caroline’s chest too often but right now he’s a godsend.

“On her way.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Mr. Agitation looks completely surprised, Kol isn’t sure if he should be offended or not.

“None of your business mate,” is his steely reply.

“Of course not,” says Suit Man smoothly, in a way that grates on Kol no matter how diffusing he’s trying to be. Screw them, if they kept this up he’d rip into them later, but for now, the bell above the entrance is tinkling and light footsteps are coming closer and the weirdoes don’t matter because _fucking finally._

He turns and she’s there, zipping into his arms, kissing him a hello that a lesser man can’t handle. “Sorry I’m late, rehearsal ran long,” she whispers, but Caroline’s grinning like a fool and with a kiss like that, she knows he’ll forgive her.

“I thought you planned that schedule down to the minute?” he asks, pinching her ass and she swats at his chest, the familiar push and pull of them drowning and intoxicating. He’s ready to get them home so that they can drown somewhere in private with less clothes, only in relishing Caroline, he’s missed the bigger picture.

The weird little trio at the bar is standing there in gaping silence. Literally, their mouths hang open, it’s almost hilarious. Only now, the tourists from the booth have stood up and are all coming closer, spreading out and encircling them. Most of them looked suspicious or confused, there’s one guy with dark hair who just looks smug, and Kol understands none of it, only that he hopes Seamus won’t mind cleaning up the blood later.

In between planning murders, Kol pulls Caroline closer.

“Is something going on?” Bless her, she sounds so sweet to him. But her fangs are sharpening and if anyone does anything to her or Kol, she’s ready to rip their necks out.

They both can’t help but notice how outnumbered they are though.

“Never thought we’d show up to _this.”_ Smug dark-haired guy is really smug, like he knows a secret as he looks them over. The others are still trying to form sentences, and their shock is clear, but Kol can’t figure out why the fuck they’d be so surprised that two hot strangers have decided to be hot together. It’s not rocket science.

“I’m so sorry about this.” The speaker is one of the girls, skin dark and face contrite. Her wide, pleading eyes are locked with Caroline’s in a silent plea for understanding, and fuck it all if she has no idea who these people are or what’s going on, this is Caroline who saved a baby duck last week and this stranger is clearly in pain. She took half a step away from Kol, reaching out to offer comfort –

_FUCKING CHRIST._

The pain is searing and unending and if Kol does nothing else, he grabs Caroline back, brings her close to him and wraps her in his arms. They’re both down now and it’s corny and awful and he’d never admit to it but if this is it for them then he wants to kiss her one last time, but _mostly_ he wants to stand up and rip these bastards to shreds for hurting them, for making Caroline scream. He wants to take his time, mine their organs, cause them a lifetime’s worth of pain before finally killing them, except, _no,_ he can’t kill them, he can’t kill his _family_ –

Oh. Fuck.

* * *

 

“You’re awake.”

He was. Kol managed to sit up, finding himself in his old room in the mansion his brother had so thoughtfully carted them all to. Said brother is now leaning against the far wall.

“You’re Nik.”

“ _Obviously.”_

And it should seem obvious, and for god’s sake, it _is_ obvious, because how does one forget the brother you’ve had for centuries? Who daggered you, yes, but who was always up for mayhem every now and then? How, for _five fucking months,_ does one completely forget an entire lifetime, spanning centuries and continents, involving chaos that lesser beings could only dream of?

“We’re here too!” His sister’s snark is most unwelcome.

“Shut up Bekah.”

“Kol, perhaps-“ Elijah would’ve liked to suggest his little brother rest, but he can see the memories of over a thousand years catching up all at once. It might be comparable to waking up after being daggered, but then, this wasn’t just missing life, it was forgetting _everything._

“You let me go off on my own.” Kol’s accusation hangs in the air but Rebekah wants none of it.

“You idiot, it was Silas. He got to you and Caroline – ”

“Where’s Caroline?” This question is asked with sharp urgency and they all stiffen. He swears he can see gold flash in Niklaus’ eyes, just for a second.

“ _That’s_ what you care about?” Five months, he’d completely forgotten how petulant Rebekah could be.

“She’s home.” Elijah answers gravely. He’d sound less serious if he were pronouncing the girl dead. But then to Kol, maybe she was, for all intents and purpose.

“She with her family,” Rebekah added, with a light sneer.

But home is with him, and he is her family. They’d only had each other.

But wait. That was what was, not what is.

_Shit._

* * *

 

 

_“Owowowowowowow”_

“Just take it easy, Care.” Elena is right at her side, and she finds herself on one of the ornate couches in the Salvatore’s living room. They’re all paying vigil, but they’re all looking at her like she’s completely foreign to them. She supposes she is.

“What happened to my head?”

“Erasing compulsion really hurts.” Bonnie is quiet and stares at the ground, but Caroline is grumpy and annoyed and frustrated because how did she just forget all of this, her life, her hometown?

“No shit. What happened to me?”

“Silas. He wanted to distract us. It took us forever to track you, and we had to ask the Mikaelson’s for help. And then…it was just safer if you were away from all of this.”

Bonnie’s words are still directed at the floor and she realizes what she’s admitting, that they _purposefully_ let her live her fake life for ages before they brought her back.

“How long?”

“We’ve been trying to stop Silas, it hasn’t been easy-“

“How. Long?”

“Two months.” At least Damon is willing to give her the truth. “And you don’t get to complain Blondie, from what we saw, you were perfectly happy.

The penny drops. Damon is the only one who can look at her, smirking like the jackass he is. Elena and Bonnie stare at the floor, Stefan and Matt look pained and Tyler (when did he even get back?!) is staring out the window. No one has to tell her how betrayed he feels.

“Where is he?” she asks slowly.

“He’s with his siblings. Look, Care, you’re _home.”_ Elena’s practically pleading silently, _please let everything go back to normal, please forget whatever happened over there._

“But – Kol, he and I – we were…”

“Caroline, we’re so sorry we took so long but you’re home now,” Bonnie finally looks up and she actually looks a little wary, like this isn’t the same girl she’s known since the first grade.

Elena takes her hand, smiles that ever benevolent Elena Gilbert smile that makes so many drop at her feet and twist their lives to save her soul. “You don’t have to think about that. Everything can go back to normal now.”

Nothing is normal, and she will think about it. And they can do fuck all to stop her.

* * *

 

Nobody says the ‘K’ word. Not the ‘K’ word that they used to think would be a problem but a whole other ‘K’ word that is a whole new problem that they can’t even wrap their heads around, so no one says anything and they try not to think about it too much. Silas is still a problem, that should be their priority.

Caroline doesn’t get that luxury.

She remembers everything.

She’d forgotten her life once but this time around, she gets to keep her memories, almost half a year away from the only home she’d ever known only to find a new home in rainy days and dark eyes. She remembers burnt dinners and her shitty apartment. She remembers long fingers tracing her spine and grabbing her waist and being kissed like there was no tomorrow.

Caroline wants to cry, and she does, for several nights under the cover of darkness when she’s sure her mom won’t hear her. It doesn’t matter how everyone tiptoes around her, she misses him, and it’s painful to know that he’s in the same town but might as well be back in Dublin for all that she sees him (which is to say, never.)

If it hurts this much, maybe she should just go to him?

But for fuck’s sake, he’s not her Kol anymore, is he? He’s _Kol Mikaelson,_ (why did they never question the fact that neither of them actually had a last name?), he’s a lunatic, he’s a psychopath, he’s _killedandmaimedandslaughtered._ He’d kill her in a second.

(He told her he loved her. She remembers that too.)

* * *

 

Caroline never came to him.

Kol thought she might. But then, it’s not like he goes after her, is it? He thought about it, but centuries worth of memories are suddenly back in his head (why did he never question the fact that he couldn’t remember a damn thing about his past?) and he’s torn between the man who spun Caroline around in her tiny little kitchen and the man who painted entire cities red with blood.

His indecision is pointless and his family is good for absolutely nothing (Nik can’t even look him in the eye most days and he’s not going anywhere near that mess), so he takes to the streets, spends his nights in small towns around the county where he kills like a madman and revels in it.

It occurs to him that the reason he keeps the worst of his carnage away from Mystic Falls is that while _his_ Caroline had no family to speak of, Caroline Forbes has a sheriff for a mother and there’s an irritating voice in his head that tells him he doesn’t want her involved.

The blood runs warm and hot, he revels in the screams, searches for the high of the kill. Nothing compares to the high of having her beneath him. He eventually makes his way back to s the forest near the town, stalking through it with the frenzy of a caged tiger. Kol is torn between running, fighting, finding Silas and punching his fucking face in, he wants to-

It suddenly doesn’t matter what he wants to do because Caroline is right in front of him.

Her eyes are wide and she looks like a deer caught in headlights. A part of him wants to ask why in hell she’s walking around the forest in the middle of the night and another, more insistent part wants to push her up against the nearest tree and fuck her until she’s singing his name. But before either of them can give in to baser impulses, Caroline’s eyes are running over him, over the blood that’s soaking his clothes. She’s smart enough to know that none of it’s his.

“What did you do?” Her question can barely be heard. 

“Does it matter, darling?” He spits the last word. He used to whisper it.

Caroline’s nothing against him, she knows it. A baby vampire against an Original will lose that fight very quickly, and she doesn’t even _want_ to fight him. That doesn’t stop her anger however, anger at her friends, at Silas at the long chain of events that left her standing in the forest in front of a boy she thought she knew and who she definitely loved, no matter how much everybody tried to get her to stop.

“It’s not fair,” she snarls, tears pricking at her eyes. The words play over and over again like a mantra,  _notfairnotfairnotfairnotfair._ Nothing was fucking fair.

“I still remember you. I remember _everything._ I remember loving you.”

Kol flashes in front of her then, eyes wide and it takes her a second but she knows what he’s going to say.

“You don’t have to remember.”

Her hand comes up like lightning, the sound of her slap echoing off the trees. Fuck being a baby vampire, he can try and kill her if he wants but she knows that he won’t lay a finger on her. It’s almost startling how much she can hate him in that moment but still want to pull him close and kiss him like she used to.

They stay in heavy silence, Caroline breathing heavily. There’s only so much of Kol that she can take after being away from him for so long, and so she runs, flashes away back to the safety of her house, her bed. If only it made her feel as safe as it used to.

Kol stays in his place, wondering if she’d been a hallucination, if this whole situation hadn’t started causing him to go mad. She could’ve taken his offer and everything would’ve been very easy for her – he can’t help but wonder why she wants to keep the memories of who they were together. Why she doesn’t just want to make the problem go away.

(It goes unspoken that even if Caroline forgets, Kol will always be able to remember. Perhaps some things are just never meant to be erased.)

* * *

 

For about a week after that night, Caroline wanders around her old life, wondering if Kol had meant it as a kindness, his offer to forget.

Maybe he’s already shoved those five months to the back of his mind. She wonders if he still loves her, if he remembers, if he thinks about shitty apartments and burning dinners.

She wonders and wonders and wonders right up until the moment when she walks into her bedroom late one night and sees Kol standing in the middle of her bedroom.

Jesus Christ. Kol’s here. _Here._ Okay, she can be cool about this.

“Uh, hi?”

Very cool.

“What are you doing here?”

Kol doesn’t look tense or angry, just curious, as he paces around; staring at the old pictures she had up. “Thought I knew you. Turns out I didn’t.” He stops at a picture taken when she was seven and in the middle of her Spice Girls phase. “Like the pigtails.”

Suddenly, even Caroline can’t remember her old flat and the nights they spent together because he’s in her room, her pink and yellow childhood bedroom and he’s sitting on her bed like the bad boy she snuck in after midnight.

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to know Caroline Forbes.”

 _You already know me,_ is what she wants to say, but obviously she keeps her mouth shut because she’s got the same damn problem. Well, if they didn’t know each other then, then they can know each other now.

“What’s your favourite colour?” It’s the only question Caroline can think to ask.

Kol looks at her weirdly. “Green, you know that.”

She did. She’d baked him a green cupcake for Saint Patrick’s Day. He’d eaten them in minutes, licked the crumbs off his fingers and his kisses has tasted like sugar frosting.

“I didn’t know if it was still the same.”

He nods, understanding where she’s coming from. “Do you still listen to that Swish girl?”

“ _Swift._ Yeah, I do.”

Well, look at that. Not everything was fake after all. And Kol should really leave, but he doesn’t, and Caroline should want him to leave, but she doesn’t. So they’re left to stare at each other.

“Do you still suck at cooking?”

It doesn’t matter that he’s the all-mighty lunatic of the Original Family, she punches him in the arms and pouts. “You never complained.”

“I was more focused on what came after dinner.” He says the words like one of his crass jokes (she’d gotten so used to the jokes) and it’s like everything is the same because now they’re so close (so, _so close)_ and her bed is right there, and when did they both sit down on it?

“Do you still like Shakespeare?” When did her voice get so quiet?

“Only when it’s violent.” Why is his smile so close?

“Do you still dance around in those ridiculous socks?”

“They’re comfortable! You loved the pair I gave you.”

“I just wanted to make you happy.”

Caroline stutters because _fuck,_ what is she supposed to say to something like that? Is her heart supposed to ache? If they’re being honest, once and for all, there’s something that’s been on her mind since Dublin but she’d never actually gotten around to asking him.

“That first afternoon, when I met you – you didn’t know I was a vampire. Why didn’t you try to feed on me?”

Kol pulls back, he hadn’t expected that question. It was such a long time ago now, but there had been a reason. “I was going to fuck you and feed on you,” he remembers, and Caroline hardens against the careless words.

“But then…I saw all those notes of yours. That ridiculous schedule. Thought it’d be a shame if you never got to live out any of it. And then, a week later…”

“The second time I tried to cook,” Caroline finishes. The night that everything had changed and she’d felt like they had the world at their feet and an eternity in front of them. A part of her would do anything to feel that free again.

Kol, for his part, doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel but frankly he doesn’t really care. What he wants, he gets, and right now he wants to know if she still tastes the same, and fuck the consequences.

Her lips are as soft as they always used to be, his hands are still nimble, dancing over smooth skin. And this, _this_ is something neither are going to forget anytime soon. When they’re finally divested of clothes and he’s guided her on top of him, he sits up, holds her on his lap and ruts his hips, thrusting into her so that every movement will be seared into her memory, every kiss he presses to her chest will be something that haunts her every night he’s not by her side.

Caroline just barely manages to hold on, gripping his shoulders, riding out her orgasm while he digs his teeth into his shoulder and follows her over the edge.

“Well darling.” It’s all he can say as they lie on her bed afterwards, pleasantly tired. He doesn’t want to say any more. All Kol wants to do is stare at her pink cheeks and wide eyes and memorize the pretty picture she makes in case some sonofabitch tries to take her away again.

Caroline doesn’t want him to let go. She’s missed his hands, those long fingers that are now trailing up and down her stomach.

This is dangerous, they both know. Maybe her friends will try and drag her away, shut her up in the Boarding House until she comes to her senses. Kol almost wants them to try, just so he can bash Damon Salvatores face in.

Caroline wonders what the rest of the family will do to her. Klaus…she couldn’t begin to guess what Klaus might try. Rebekah more or less hated her and Elijah wore suits all the time which had to mean something was wrong.

Well, screw everyone else because right now the house is empty and Kol is on her bed and his hands are doing that thing where his fingers slip around her and pull her close and he’s focusing on her neck and how the hell is she supposed to remember anything else besides what’s happening here and now?

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says when he has her pressed underneath him and it finally feels like she’s home.

* * *

 

Caroline never thought sex in her childhood bed with a thousand year old lunatic was something that she’d look back on with fondness. Well, Kol _was_ good with his fingers. And other parts, duh.

Neither of them had said a word to anyone else, but they’d had a couple of repeats, Kol slipping into her house like a shadow, waiting for her to go back into the carnal little bubble they’d built. Sometimes, when it was dark, Caroline could almost pretend they were half a world away, but that didn’t change the fact that when the sun rose, he was forced to leave like a dirty little secret.

They could only keep this up for so long.

“When do we get to leave?” he asks one night, after they’ve finally fallen still.

“You want to leave?” Caroline asks quietly.

“You don’t?”

Caroline doesn’t. Or does she? She knows that technically, she’s already spread her wings and gotten out, but that had been against her will and with the full weight of her memories, there are still a lot of thing tying her to her small hometown.

Then again, she remembers what it felt like, not knowing who she really way. Sure, she never asked any questions, never thought about how odd it was that she didn’t have a past. But she also remembers feeling happy and free.

Her silence wasn’t a good sign, not for Kol and he feels the red edges of anger creeping up on him. “Please don’t tell me you’re sticking around for the Scooby Gang.”

Caroline bristles because suddenly the rift between Kol and her friends is back at the forefront of her mind and the word ‘rift’ does absolutely nothing to convey the sheer amount of hell she’d catch if they found out about whom she spent her nights with.

Kol is a careless ass so he just continues, “Really Sweets, you allow them too much control.”

 _No I don’t!,_ is what she wants to say, but then, didn’t her friends just let her hang around Dublin for six months without doing a thing. Isn’t that some measure of control over her life? Still, she doesn’t want to admit to it so she searches for something to fire back.

“Like you wouldn’t let your family tell you what to do.”

It’s a ridiculous argument because Kol doesn’t let _anyone_ tell him what to do, but there is a part of him that he will never admit to the existence of, the part that wants  to be a part of  ‘ _always and forever’_ and for that reason, he’s a lot more beholden to his siblings whims than he ever wants to be.

Caroline may not know Kol Mikaelson that well, but she’s still knows where to hit where it hurts.

“Really sweetheart, don’t be a bint,” Kol snarls quietly, not even flinching when she pinches him sharply in retaliation.

Fuck, why couldn’t they just enjoy the afterglow? “Get out”, she whispers harshly, pisses at everything again, at things she can’t even control. To think, she was totally ready to put her mouth to other uses.

Kol pinches her back on the ass and is gone in a breeze, like he’d never been there at all.

What a stupid argument to have. The problem is, they can bury their problems under drugging kisses and skilled touches but that won’t change the fact that they’re so awkward with each other now. They don’t know how to be them, but they want to be who they were so badly.

* * *

 

Maybe there’s no going back,

Maybe this is it.

Maybe the past is in the past.

“Caroline?”

She wonders if she should go back to Dublin, pack up the flat, maybe compel her landlord not to be such a creep.

“Caroline?”

That could be too painful, but she should at could look up the theatre, make sure they weren’t floundering without her to do the rehearsal schedules.

“Caroline!”

The hand she’s resting her chin on slips and she finally looks up to see all of her friends staring at her strangely. The little meeting they were in the middle of was another in a long line of brainstorming just what they were going to do about the crazy psychopath running around town (well, one of the crazy psychopaths. And not the one she’d been sleeping with, thank god.)

Truth be told, Caroline had been so busy trying to figure out with version of her life felt real to her that this was the first such meeting she’d actually cared enough to show up for, and she could barely pay attention. She should though, she should be angrier at Silas, the asshole had done this to her in the first place.

“Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“Caroline…we have a plan. But we’d need you to help.”

“Tell me what I have to do.”

* * *

 

“Where is she?!”

The door is kicked clean off the hinges, the bat in his hand ready to go and Salvatore’s head looks like a prime target, but before he can have some fun, he needs to know one thing.

“Where. Is. Caroline?”

He’d gone to her house in the light of day, wanting to talk to he, but she hadn’t been there. Her phone was useless, but her mother – her mother had looked at him with scared eyes, but it wasn’t fear of him, it was fear for what he was asking. And if she of all people didn’t know what Caroline was up to…

“Tick tock darlings, I don’t have all day.”

They all look so scared. It’s beautiful. But Caroline isn’t with them and that’s enough to keep him pissed.

“She’s hiding from you.” Damon Salvatore must have a death wish because it’s nowhere close to the truth and Kol knows it.  Caroline can be angry at him all she wants, but he knows it’ll be a cold day in hell before she ever hides from him. She’s so much stronger than they all give her credit for.

The sound Salvatore’s head makes as he hits it is beautiful; Kol wants to make it his ringtone.

“She’s helping us!” The little witch breaks, fury and frustration over her features and she’s one second away from giving him the mother of all migraines but she holds off because all he really wants is to know that Caroline’s safe. That’s buys him some time.

It also makes him angry.

“And _how_ is she helping you?” His voice is steady. His grip on the bat nearly breaks it.

“Caroline’s luring out Silas.”

_Sonofamotherfuckingbitch._

He gets to hear his favourite sound again and nearly finishes the job but Salvatore the younger manages to hold him off and get in his way with some cold logic that stops him dead.

“You want to kill us but it’s not going to help Caroline.”

Goddammit. Funny hair’s right.

Right, if he has to fix this he will. “We’re going after her,” he announces and their faces pale.

“Kol, we have a plan – “

“Fuck that.” They’re all listening now, no one willing to go against him in this state. “We’re going after her. And if Silas has touched one hair on her head, I get to use each of you as target practice.”

After he’s got them properly roped into seeing things his way, his next course is to get his family is involved.

Turns out, the wankers are in on it.

He wonders if Nik has any lingering feelings for Caroline, if he’s maybe trying to get rid of those feelings by offering her up as bait, and maybe if Kol had a lot of time and a lot of alcohol he’d actually attempt to wade through his brother’s psyche, but none of those things are available so he settles for his siblings’ agreement that they’ll help him.

He must look more than manic because they all look slightly scared of what he might be capable of.

Kol doesn’t give a fuck about what they think right now because right now, he wants to get Caroline back. He doesn’t stop to think about his feelings, whether his anger is fueled by _love,_ all he knows is that Caroline has no idea what she’s gotten herself into and he needs her alive.

He’s not going to overthink this one.

* * *

 

“Come away with me darling.”

Kol was so handsome, she’d always thought so.

“Just you and me, we’ll have the world at our feet.”

Honestly, that sounded _really_ great right about now.

“Relax, sweetheart, just go to sleep.”

Wasn’t there something important she was supposed to be doing?

Caroline knew Kol. Forget memories, forget the last name, Caroline knew Kol. The man in front of her _was not Kol._

“Silas.” Her big revelation is useless because he smiles like a psychopath, it’s almost like Kol’s but there’s no glint in his eyes, it’s _wrong._ And suddenly he’s changed again, he’s Stefan (wait, what?) and he’s laughing at her as she sinks to the ground, gasping for breath.

All she had to do was get him to a certain spot in the woods, then Bonnie would bust out some witchy ju-ju, the Salvatores had some way of killing him, and everything was going to be fine.

Everything is seriously not fine.

The entire thing was meant to be a trap for Silas but she’s pretty sure it’s a trap for everyone else because suddenly there’s fire everywhere, her friends are there but frozen in place, and _why is it so fucking hard to breathe?_

* * *

 

 

So, air might be her new favourite thing. The first thing Caroline feels is cool forest air going down her throat, tinged by the smoke of the still burning fires but she’ll take what she gets and she’ll like it. She didn’t know where she went, but Silas was almost definitely trying to drag her down into whatever hell he was being sent to, except somehow, she’d gotten away.

Well, mark that down as a win for the good guys.

As soon as she can sit up she can see that there are way more people than she’d thought were in on the plan, an entire coven’s worth, in fact, and Bonnie is there trying to explain something about ‘travelling people’ who wanted to take down Silas and how Caroline was the only one who didn’t know about them.

And if she hadn’t known, Silas couldn’t have read her mind.

It makes sense, really, but that doesn’t make her feel any better, she had thought she knew what was going on, but most of what she was told had been a lie and they’d basically dangled her like a worm on a hook. The thought stings.

But, at least Silas is gone, and she’s _awake,_ and suddenly her priorities have become a lot clearer because all she really wants to do is find Kol and tell him that he was right about everything.

Bonnie is still talking but Caroline is ready to get up and get out, she moves just a little and her right hand hits something warm. A body.

“Kol?! Kol, wake up!”

* * *

 

Was he dreaming?

Where is he?

Is this the Other Side? Something new?

There are a million questions floating through his head, but only one fact matters. Caroline was safe. At least, she was gone.

But then again, everyone was gone.

* * *

 

_“WAKEHIMUPWAKEHIMUPWAKEHIMUP!”_

She’s screaming at people she doesn’t even know and they may be a huge and old and powerful coven but they have the good sense to be scared of the crazy vampire yelling at them.

One of them is brave enough to try and explain things. “Look, Silas was dragging you down with him. But he just started demanding things…he took your place.”

Caroline isn’t sure who she wants to kill first.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry doesn’t cut it. Sorry means nothing.

“Send me in.”

“What?!”

Her mind is set, tunnel vision like she’d never had before, not even that one year she took the cheerleading squad to regionals. Her friends are gaping at her, there’s at least one hybrid staring at her with pain in his eyes (it’s exactly the one you think it is), but this is Caroline’s life and Caroline choice, and Caroline has decided that Kol Mikaelson may be the stupidest decision she’s ever made but this is what she wants and this is what she’s going to get.

“Send me in. You created this ‘prison’ for Silas, right? That means I can drag Kol out.”

The old witch (‘Traveler’ technically, whatever that’s supposed to mean) just groans but seems to realize this is something that’s going to happen, so she cracks her knuckles and readies her spell.

* * *

 

“Kol, come back with me. Come back to me.”

Everything is dark, but her words are like a song. He always did like music.

* * *

 

Did her words work? Caroline didn’t know, everything was a dark, heavy blur and all she could do was plead with him and hope that he heard her.

She’s awake again, and Kol’s head is in her lap, tears falling on his face and she’s alternating between sobbing like a madwoman and screaming like a demented banshee. Everyone is watching her, but she doesn’t even care, there’s only one person whose opinion would mean a thing.

“You promised,” she cries, “you promised shitty apartments and broken radiators _youpromisedyoupromisedyoupromised_!”

Caroline cries so hard she hears nothing else.

Caroline cries so hard she almost misses it.

“For god’s sake woman, will you stop wailing in my ear?!”

* * *

 

Caroline kisses him free and clear in front of everyone they know and if anyone cares, fuck it.

Caroline kisses him slowly and carefully when they’re alone and if she was supposed to care, fuck it.

She kisses him in bed and he kisses her right back and nothing else matters at all.

They decide they will leave, but they want to do it quietly. Okay, Caroline wants to do it quietly, Kol wants to go a few rounds with Damon Salvatore first but she convinces him that it’s a bad idea and to save it for when Damon really fucks up again. And he will, definitely.

They both say their necessary goodbyes. Kol packs away what little he has in the mansion, but all he really needs is his bat and his music player. Nik manages to look him in the eye and do a little head jerk thing, Kol thinks his brother’s glad he’s not dead and stuck in some dark plane of existence with the oldest evil to ever walk the earth. He sort of hopes, anyway. They don’t mention the ‘C’ word. Maybe one day they will.

Elijah looks pleased that everything turned out well and shakes his hand (a fucking handshake, really ‘Lijah? This is why he's burning his ties before he leaves.)

Rebekah sniffs once and they hug awkwardly for maybe three seconds. Kol promises to send postcards.

They’re a motely bunch, but family is family and he’s glad he’s going off with some good memories of them.

Caroline is a little more lucky in the goodbye department. It turns out that being stranded without memories, being forced to deal with the fallout from adjusting back to normalcy and then being used as bait for a supernatural psycho is enough to warrant a lot of guilt on her friends’ part.

They’re so guilty that they even throw her a party, and no one says a single word against Kol the entire time. They ignore that elephant and instead there are hugs and tears and lots of promises to send pictures and make calls at least once a week. Caroline figures forgiveness will come pretty quickly, she doesn’t have it in her to stay mad for too long. She’s got forever (and a hot boyfriend, that really helps.)

Awkward hatchets are buried, with friends and old boyfriends alike until Caroline feels like she’s made her peace and is ready to go. It’s just about then that Kol shows up, grinning like the little shit that he is, and for a moment they worry that he’s going to cause trouble, but all Kol really wants to do is take Caroline away.

So he does.

* * *

 

Kol kisses her before they leave. Caroline kisses him when they arrive.

Barcelona is hot, all sunny skies and winding streets and Caroline loves every second of it. Or at least, she would love it if she could see even a little bit of it, Kol’s got his long fingers over her eyes and she can’t see how cocky he looks but she’s got a good imagination.

“I swear to god if you’re taking me to a strip club I’m not letting you touch me for at least a week.”

Kol just snorts near her ear, “Please Darling you couldn’t stay away from me for that long.”

“Hey, I said you couldn’t touch me, never said that I had to do the same.”

He growls, just low enough that their taxi driver won’t hear and nips her ear. The car comes to a stop a moment later and they maneuver their way out, Caroline still blind.

“Promise to keep your eyes closed.”

He sounds so eager, she can’t help but comply. And while she can’t see, he’s pressing something into her palm. She feels the cold metal, the sharp ridges, “A key?”

 “Take a look.”

They’re in front of a door, a pretty worn down one. Caroline looks at Kol with wide eyes, then shoves the key in the lock and manages to unstick the door so that they can get in and look around.

The paint is peeling and she’s pretty sure the ceiling fan is broken. God, this place is shit.

She absolutely loves it. They christen every single room.

* * *

 

She’s Caroline Forbes and he’s Kol Mikaelson, and they know who they are. More importantly, they know each other. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the most fun I've ever had writing for Koroline, hope you enjoyed!


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